A Cat has Nine Lives

Issue 9. What can I say? This issue was the one I'd had the least to do with after coming on board as Assistant Editor with issue 4. So some bits I had a hand in setting out, others I didn't, and the issue was eventually published while I was on holiday. This is possibly why the page numbers were hastily penned in by hand at the last minute and the majority of contributions carried no 'credit' tag to let readers know who wrote what. A very bitsy issue, perhaps a result of the longer than usual gap. Issue 9 had been planned for September 1999, but surfaced in January 2000, and claimed to be issue 8 published in June 1999! This is what happens when I let go of the tiller for a short while! Chaos!:

Please feel free to shoot me if you feel so inclined! No, we haven't died (yet), but it has been a damn long time since the last issue! The reasons are too numerous and personal to go into, and besides, excuses suck donkey balls anyway. But we're here, and Joe's here, to 'Put me back on schedule'. But I don't appreciate that heavy breathing Joe ... STOP IT!
Well, it's January and once again Paul McGann has saved us from melting glass and tacky New Year's celebrations, or enough so that you can sit at home without water or power and still read this FAB mag. But of course, if Y2K wasn't just a hoax to get Bill Gates more money, then you won't be reading this anyway! Enough with the crap!
We here at RTP! Towers are delivering to you, the consumer, a special treat to mark the millennium. That's right we're bringing your three issues within the space of two and a half months! You heard right! No, Joe, it's not because I'm so slack that we need to do it to get 'back on schedule', we're just generous, that's all.
On the news front, we have some. Yep, that's right, we're not just full of hot air, there's some excrement content too. Announcing 'Saucer Smith Enterprises'. Graham Muir doesn't know it yet, but we've thieved his star of the show, Saucer Smith and named our Evil publishing conglomerate after him. Well, that's not entirely true, our pathetic group of small time fanzines are forming into one organization to make a few things a bit easier. And besides, our logo looks really cool, and we didn't have any real legitimate use for it. So, what does this mean for you, the subscriber you ask? Nothing, absolutely nothing.
Well no, I tell a small lie. With the addition of some pretty serious rendering hardware to our fleet by April (fingers crossed), the production standard of all the zines will jump. Our printer problem is still hanging over our heads, it seems that no one in Christchurch can offer a decent service for prices we won't laugh at. Unless you want to pay about $6 per issue. I'm sorry, but bear with us for a moment. We'll see it straight, even if it means printing in some small block of Shanghai using slave labor*. If anyone would like to submit to our evil empire, please let us know. We will enslave you promptly and inefficiently. Thank you.

- Matt Kamstra

* RTP! would like to say that we do not, in any way, condone sweat shops in Third World countries or anywhere else for that matter. It was just a joke. In bad taste. Well, kind of ...

Harry Potter and the Guff:

Published: January 2000
The Fanzine of the Christchurch Chapter of the NZDWFC
Editors: Alexander Ballingall, Matt Kamstra
RTP! Logo Design: Peter & Bridget Adamson
Front Cover: Peter Adamson
Back Cover: Peter Adamson
Internal Artwork: Alexander Ballingall, Garry Jackson, Matt Kamstra, Jon Preddle, David Ronayne
Letters: James Gould, David Ronayne, Jeff Stone, Tom Box [AKA Wade Campbell]
Page Count: 52
Print Run: 30
Price: NZ$3

~ Contents~

• [01] COVER
• [02] CONTENTS
• [03] EDITORIAL
• [04] UPDATE
• [05] The BOOTCUPBOARD [Letters]
• [07] Doctor Who Bullsh*t: New Movie Confirmed!
• [09] REVIEW [Review of The Curse of Fatal Death]
• [10] REVIEW [Review of The Greatest Show in the Galaxy]
• [12] REVIEW [Review of Revenge of the Cybermen]
• [14] REVIEW [BBC 2 Doctor Who Night 1999]
• [14] REVIEW: James' Corner [Pilots of the Deep]
• [15] INTERVIEW: The Tomorrow People [Graham Muir]
• [19] COMIC: Pulp Who—The Gold Star [part 2 of 4]
• [26] OPINION: Soap Box
  
• [27] REVIEWS: The Scope [Reviews of EDAs]
• [30] ARTICLE: The Sexual Misadventures of Doctor Who: Nyssa
• [31] FICTION: A Doctor's Tale
• [32] ARTICLE: Meaningless Statistics
• [35] OPINION: Grand Speculations and Musings
  
• [37] /full page advert/
• [38] CARTOON: Spliff and Nutmeg's Short Trips
  
• [40] ARTICLE: Kaled Nazism
• [43] Professor Spleg's Fun and Sillines!
  
• [44] FICTION: The Red Menace [part 4 of 8]
• [47] CARTOON: Cyber Guy
• [48] OPINION: I BBC Book
• [50] ARTICLE: If - Space Sargasso
  
• [52] COVER